Mind your manners! How to deal with sticky situations

When the three disgraces -- Paris, Britney and Lindsay -- bared their bits for the paparazzi, it sparked a media blitz. Despite their wealth and fame, this trio are mere paupers in the comportment department. ("Poor things!") Etiquette consists of firm rules made by others who have come before you, telling you to do this and not do that on specific occasions, says Letitia Baldrige, the former chief of staff to Jacqueline Kennedy and author of Taste: Acquiring What Money Can't Buy. "Manners help you create order out of chaos, make people feel comfortable and bring pleasure to others." ELLE asked the grande dame of decorum to guide us through some sticky social dilemmas. Your husband's boss has had one too many at your cocktail party and is becoming lecherous -- with you. How do you defuse the situation? Tip off your husband or a friend and proceed to the kitchen together, where you become intensely busy preparing more drinks. The presence of your protector hovering over you will discourage the amorous advances of your husband's boss; if it doesn't, tell your husband to look for another job at once. A new friend sends you a gorgeous bouquet to display at your party that evening, but you're allergic to flowers. What do you do? Hail a taxi and tell the driver to bring the flowers to the nearest hospital. Tell your friend that you sent them there because they were so magnificent and that they'll shed light and joy on many people. When you meet for lunch, you notice that your friend never pays half the bill. The last time you met up in a group, she paid even less. How do you call her on it? Your friend needs a simple lesson in math, so you can be the one to give it to her. Carefully divide the bill up into equal parts and announce to one and all what each person's share is. If she still shortchanges you, only meet her for breakfast at a very inexpensive fast-food joint -- she just might catch on. Your friend is a fashion victim with a tendency to throw all the season's trends into the mix. When you go out with her, people stare and snicker. How can you steer her toward a more stylish look? You can't inspire anyone with your good fashion sense in one or two tries. Maybe someone could anonymously buy a semester or two of schooling for her at a good fashion institute.